Items & Tools

Defensive Items

0 creds - Riot Shield

The riot shield is an icon of heavy law enforcement, used even in its earliest days. In an ironic twist, you can now have a heavy-duty version for your very own. Its transparent duraluminum body will stand up to all but the heaviest attacks, and if you've noticed me using the word "heavy" a lot in this description, you're right to think there's a reason for it. Heavy, slow, and cumbersome, the riot shield is generally only good for protecting you from one side.

0 creds - Dropshield

This is yet another thing we stole from Mimir Corporation. Did you know we actually used to be better than them? That was before you were even born, though, and it didn't last long. Morons like you ruined it all for us. At least it'll be hard for you to screw this up: Click, drop, stomp. Take it out of your pouch, hit the button, drop it on the floor with a gentle forwards motion and a weak shield will spring up in front of you. It's virtually impossible to mess up - and yet you do, every time I give it to one of you dipshits. It's like a running gag. Like everything else, this won't make you invincible. If it did we wouldn't give it to you for free.


0 creds - Blowtorch

A powerful chemical laser with an extremely short diffusion range. Great for cutting through walls, floors, aliens, or other pesky barriers between you and your goal – but you have to actually be out of the cockpit. You could potentially use it on the inside of the cockpit too, but why would you want to do something like that?

0 creds - Claymore Pack

If you're reading this, chances are you were looking for a sword. If you were, please move to the back of the line so your more-sentient squadmates get a chance at the terminal. If not, I congratulate you on being slightly smarter than the average idiot. Claymore mines are a more civilized weapon than your standard electron sword - they require a fine touch and an air of subtlety. If placed correctly, you can put these mines anywhere you want, and your foes will blindly stumble into them, which is a guaranteed kill. They work on heat detection and ignore any heat sources visible during placement. They're even attuned to your ID implants to keep you from blowing yourselves up - usually.

0 creds - Crowbar

A favorite weapon to PhDs everywhere, the crowbar is something you can count on to come in handy in most situations. It's extremely heavy, tough, and good at prying things open – but not so good at punching through them. Effective versus other humans and other varieties of squishy sentients. Using it on teammates is usually advised against, but might be fukcing amusing on occasion.

0 creds - First Aid Kit

Is Charlie missing a limb but an alien ate your squad's medic? Have no fear, first aid kit is here! It might keep good old Charlie alive and kicking just long enough for a medic to arrive with a real medical kit. Contains useful stuff for temporarily patching wounds and suits. Probably more useful for suits. And remember, you're not children. If I get any more reports of spontaneous decompression due to stupid shit like couples trying to play "doctor" in space, I'm pulling this off the shelves.

0 creds - Grapple Set

The grapple set is your standard batman tool. Good strong coil of synthetic rope, electromagnetic grapple tip with optional barbs, and will even reel itself in. The gun has an electromagnetic mount, too, so you can secure it against something if you need to leave it behind. Mostly useless against enemies except as a last resort: it won't do enough damage to really hurt them, and they can easily just block it. If you want to scale a long space, though - say, from your CASKET to a building, or the floor to a ceiling, or even just from your lover's window to the next house before her husband can enter the room - this is the thing for you. Helping ruin marriages since 2525.

0 creds - Radar Scanner Pack

The Miniature Active Radar Scanner (or MARS) is extremely useful in limited situations. Need to look around the corner? Throw Mars. Need to see through fog as you retreat? Drop Mars. Trying to gauge when that hot girl in squad 4 has properly removed her clothes? Mars can help there too. Pick it up and throw it around wherever you like, and feel like a superhero for doing so. It's metallic and will stick easily to any surface, revealing an area with a radius of 3 meters and transferring the data to your PDA. Requires a direct link to stay active and will deactivate to conserve power if you don't find something interesting. Fortunately you can reactivate the things just by picking them up.

Other Items

These items cost creds but do not take up suit or weapon slots.

200 creds - Anti-Shock Meds

A hypodermic needle designed for injection into a suit's medical port. Helps you deal with the trauma of watching your best friend's face turn to spaghetti sauce so you look like a badass mofo instead of a wimp.

200 creds - Coagulant Boosters

A hypodermic needle designed for injection into a suit's medical port. Helps you stop bleeding all over the expensive leather of your cockpit. Does not help you survive in a vacuum. Keep that in mind, dumbass.

200 creds - Painkillers

A hypodermic needle designed for injection into a suit's medical port. Helps you deal with excruciating pain so you can get back to shooting holes in scary aliens, and better, makes you more impressive to the ladies.

500 creds - Breachkit

You're at your arch-nemesis's headquarters, easily fighting your way through hordes of enemies, when you suddenly unleash a swarm of Pit Demons from Hell, and all the doors slam shut. The only way to get them to open again? You have to kill every single mofo in the room. It's an all-too common situation that often leaves squishies like you, squished. This is your ticket out of there. By slapping this convenient pack of explosives on your entryway of choice in just the right manner, you can breach almost any place of residence quickly and easily - and give a light show to whoever is on the other side, too.

500 creds - QuickDraw Slot

It's time. You've waited the whole battle for this moment. Everything depends on you now. You stand across the room from your ultimate opponent, and as you reach for your weapon, he's already shot you in the chest. It's happened to many people, and if you don't want that to happen to you, this can be a handy thing to have. It hooks into your PSI jacks, and as soon as you think about needing a weapon, it slides down motorized slots on your arms into the appropriate hand, meaning it's already there when you need it. If you want to duel, get a QuickDraw. It's high noon somewhere.

500 creds - Air Canister

If you're part of a species that gets high off a nitrogen-oxygen mixture, this baby is for you. Crack the cap and stick it to your nose, and take a deep whiff. Or don't, because it's highly pressurized and contains enough breathable air to fill a sphere with a three-foot radius. Releases it quickly over the course of a few seconds. Sticking it to your face is likely to cause an injury, or, if the rest of your team is very lucky, knock you out cold. Following this, they can loot you of your gear and leave you to die, and the overall survivability of the squad will increase. Can't ask for a better sales pitch!

1000 creds - Airdome

I'm sure you've had it happen. You're in a space battle, shooting it out with the enemies, and bam - you have a hole in your suit. Don't even bother with the excuses of how it got there. "I took fire to protect my squadmate", "I didn't notice the hole because I'm too tough for pain", "I'm so manly that I subconsciously stabbed myself just to feel more alive". Yes, I've really heard it all. This airshield - the airdome - is your ticket out of this situation. Drop the pad, stomp it, and it'll generate a domed airshield, right where you stand. It'll probably keep you alive long enough for the medic to patch you up.

1000 creds - Cymek Reboot Kit

"Cymeks" can't use regular anti-shock meds, so if there's a Cymek unconscious, you'll have to use this instead. Maybe you decided to become a Cymek because you thought they looked cool, without thinking about all the bad things that happen to them. Maybe you died and we brought you back with a robot body, so you didn't have a choice in it. Or, maybe you're actually intelligent and this isn't for you in the first place. If that's the case, I really feel sorry for you - the only medic in a squad of Cymeks. If you ever feel uselessly infuriated and hopeless about the future of the human race… trust me, you're not alone.

1000 creds - Multiscanner

You're an idiot. Let's get that out of the way first. You. Are. An idiot. You told that hot chick in Squad 4 that you have a high IQ, and now you need a way to "prove it" to her - except you're actually an idiot (as we previously discussed). A smarter person might say something intelligent. The best you can do is putter around with this cartridge plugged into your PDA and pretend to do "smart things" with it. Using this you could easily scan multiple times per turn, but of course anyone that's intelligent will see right through your ruse to what you really are: an idiot. Idiot.

1000 creds - Portal Can

Another lazy asshole looking to get out of a little work, huh? I figured as much. You hardly deserve a break after all the things you did before you came here, but up top wants to give you this to keep you focused on your jobs. It's a heavy little can that you put in your backpack, and it'll teleport anything you stick in it back to your cargo pod. It's not without limits though - anything organic you stick in here will explode messily in transit. If you fill your cargo pod, it'll generally explode, too. Doesn't work well with liquids either. On the plus side, it'll save you many small trips when your backpack gets full.

1000 creds - Psijack

Most of you idiots are just idiots. A small contingent of you, however, are legitimately insane and believe in retarded crap like "androids" or "webrunners". Some small subsect of those even believe that the New Earth government has been entirely replaced by corporations. Normally I try to throw those morons out an airlock, but it's gotten harder of late: some of them started catching on. To combat the problem, we came up with this. It plugs into the plugs on the back of your skull and, installed properly by a medic/engineer, will connect your mind to any sort of VR system. Comes in a pack of three, so your friends can join in. Then we can get rid of three of you at once.

1500 creds - Layer Scanner

If you're considering this item, I'll make an assumption: Your whole life has been built around looking more intelligent than you actually are. You cheated in school since year 1. You carry books around to look smart. Your glasses have fake lenses. Your personality probably doesn't even match what you put down in your profile when we brought you in. Sound familiar? It should. It's you. It only makes sense you want to continue playing the part. This layer scanner is a little can that'll tell you everything you could want to know about the structure of whatever you put inside, and put the knowledge directly into your brain. Wanna know if a rock's a geode? This is a good way to find out. Great for scientific research, but knowing you, you're only going to use it for one purpose: figuring out how to use alien weapons. See if I'm wrong.

2000 creds - Medical Kit

Allows the user to patch simple injuries like broken legs. Not effective for major injuries like missing arms or damaged internal organs, but for small fixes it has everything you'll need. Includes two syringes of painkillers and two of anti-shock meds, along with assorted bandages and swabs.

3000 creds - Advanced Medical Kit

Using the awesome power of nanobots, this emergency kit will heal almost any major injury short of missing flesh. Designed purely for human use – please don't use it if you're cross-species.